Therapy Group Seven
by AddienaTheBlueSpirit
Summary: I send my OC to have Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura to work out their issues in group therapy, which sets off a chain reaction throughout the Konoha 12 and the Sand Sibs. full summery inside. Rated T.


**Therapy Group Seven**

**A Naruto Humor Fic **

**Plot: **I, Addiena, Authoress of all things evil, have sent an OC by the name of Hallie CiBlue to kidnap Sasuke (at some point during Shippuden) and get him, Naruto, and Sakura to work out their issues. Sai and Hinata attend a seminar to work on their Social Skills. Sora has a run in with Team Guy which leads them to send him to anger management. Neji and Tenten stage an intervention for Lee's obsession with Guy-Sensei. Ino and Shikamaru go to couples counseling. And Kiba and Shino have a series of conversations at the therapist's waiting room. Kankuro and Temari have Gaara checked into a psychiatric ward.

Start:

_"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you."  
>~Rita Mae Brown<em>

The OC Shinobi, a girl called Hallie CiBlue, stood in the office of Authoress Addiena…

Bounce. Bounce. Bounce. Swoosh. Crinkle. "Curse these plot bunnies!"

"Your Literacy?" Hallie said, addressing Authoress Addiena.

"Hem. Right." She then explained the Assignment she had for her young OC Shinobi.

"Not to sound rude, Your Literacy, but this sounds nothing like your typical Song fics and Tragedies."

"Yes well, the plot bunnies are running amuck here, as you can see, and this was on a post-it that fell off of one's foot." Authoress Addiena Replied. "So as unusual as your assignment may be. Just do it."

"Yes, Your Literacy." Said Hallie. The OC walked out of the room down the hall labeled Naruto Realm until she reached a door labeled U.S. and opened it.

Seeing the guy on the other side staring at her like she was nuts, she said. "You're Uchiha Sasuke right?"

The teen nodded and said, "Hn."

"Sorry about this." She said as a long golden coil wrapped around him. He collapsed as a jolt of Florescent Turquoise sparks shot through it.

**[In Konoha, Hokage's Office]**

"Naruto, Sakura, this is Hallie." Said Tsunade, "she has convinced Sasuke to return to the village."

"What! You?" asked Naruto at the same time Sakura said, "You're not his girlfriend…Right?" in a very threatening tone.

"No actually, I'm pretty sure that the next time he sees me I'll have to…Oh well." she shrugged it off. "Anyway, the only way he'll return is…"

**[Later in Hallie the OC's Abandoned Warehouse]**

"No chance in HELL!" said Sasuke.

"No way will you rejoin Team 7 or no way will you go to group therapy?" Hallie asked.

"No way am I agreeing to anything until you get that Electro Whip no Jutsu away from me!"

"One: It's an Anti-Chakra Coil, and Two: If you try to escape I will drain you of all your chakra and hide you in a ditch somewhere…are we clear?"

"Fine."

"So…Group therapy."

"Sure." He looked very, very, scared.

"Heh…heh…heh…"

**[In route to the therapist's office the next day]**

"Naruto! Sakura!" Sai greeted with the most emotion he'd expressed in his life…which isn't much for those of you who have been living under a rock throughout Shippuden and have no idea who he is so far.

"Oh. Hey, Sai, we can't really talk right now! SASUKE IS BACK!" Said Sakura as she and Naruto ran by without even bothering to slow down.

Sai looked dejected… or as dejected as a recovering emotionless void _can_ look. Sai did what he normally did in a time like this, and went to the library. Going to the Self-help section, he grabbed a book of the shelf that looked promising and flipped through until he found the following, "If your friends seem to be avoiding you…chances have it that they actually _are_ …in which case…Try improving your social skills, because you suck at life." Sai hung his – still void of emotion – head in shame and muttered emotionlessly, "Damn."

**[The other side of the same book shelf]**

"S-S-S-Sai?" Stuttered Hinata quietly.

"Yes. Oh, hello Hinata."

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Everyone's avoiding me. I need to improve my social skills because I suck at life."

"Oh. Well, there's this seminar I'm going to this week, I'm on my way there now," Said Hinata, "if you want to join me."

"A Seminar." He said without emotion. "Yes, I think I will."

**[Therapy Center]**

Sasuke was sitting in the therapist's office with Hallie CiBlue leaning against the wall behind him, next to the door, should he try to escape. At the desk was a dark skinned girl who looked way too young to be a therapist.

"SASUKE!" Shouted Naruto and Sakura simultaneously, as they came bursting through the previously closed door.

"Dobe. Forehead." Sasuke Greeted stoically.

"Sasuke, it really is you!" swooned Sakura.

"Well who else would I be?" he said, and then turning to Naruto, he added, "I'm amazed you agreed to go to group therapy."

"Anything to get you back, Sasuke!" said Naruto.

"Hn."

"Excuse me, but I'll be back in a little bit. You guys go ahead and get reacquainted." Said the dark skinned girl before walking out, closing the door to the office.

"Who's that again?" asked Naruto.

"Moron," Sakura stated as she pounded his head, "that's the therapist!"

"Isn't her name...hn…Rayla?" Sasuke asked as he hid a smile behind his crossed arms.

"You know, we really owe this to that Hallie chick."

"You're right… we should thank her." Said Sakura.

"Well she's right…Weird she was right here." said Sasuke.

"Ouch." It came as a whimper from next to the door. "I'll be fine. I just got pounded in the face by the door at a very…high…speed! But don't worry, I'll live."

Hallie's soft honey colored hair was stained slightly by her bloody nose. The flesh around her eyes was beginning to turn black and blue as it began to swell. Deep, deep down inside she desperately wanted to say "I feel sorry for the Jounin-sensei who got stuck with you three," but she contained herself thanks to the training prior to her stint in ANBU and simply pouted like a beaten puppy.

**[At the Seminar]**

"Hinata, are you sure we should be here together? I believe this seminar is for couples." Sai said, looking around.

"O-o-oh. W-well I d-didn't know Th-that." She stuttered. "M-m-m-maybe w-we Sh-sh-sh-should leave." She had never been so embarrassed in her life. _'This is worse than the Chunin Exams with Naruto.'_ She thought miserably. _'On the upside, I'm still conscious.' _She added, silently trying to put a positive turn on things until she heard Sai say…

"No." well Sai said that, which shocked her. "No. Just pretend you are my girlfriend, perhaps we can apply what we learn to other people as well." there was no emotion on his face what so ever. Hinata couldn't believe what she had just heard.

'_I spoke too soon,' _she thought as she passed out.

**[At Couples Counseling]**

"Hello, Ino and Shikamaru, my name is Rayla, and I'm your couples councilor. Tell me about yourselves."

"Rayla, is it? Well First off, how are you a councilor? You're, like, our age. At least you should be a chunin, but how are you a councilor?" Ino demanded.

"Chill. She's like me: probably qualified to go higher, but chose something more stable. In fact, I'll bet she was higher up in rank. Weren't you Rayla?" Shikamaru looked at the dark eyes peering over the rectangular wire rims of her glasses.

Grinning, Rayla nodded. "Yeah," she leaned back and twirled her long dark hair around her index finger. "I used to be a Jounin, but I figured my talents would be more useful behind a desk. Any other personal questions you want to ask me?"

"Why should _we_ listen to _you_?" asked Ino smugly.

A dangerous glint streaked through Rayla's eyes as she answered cryptically, "I've been in more combat situations than you've probably ever imagined were possible for one person to live through. My Ninjutsu, Genjutsu, and Taijutsu skills are of the charts, not to mention I'm the kind of person who can kick every one of your senseis' butts, just so I can listen to them vent later." Ino and Shikamaru glanced at each other in silent amazement. Suddenly Rayla was back to the happy, smiling teen she had been when they had walked in. "I'm also a certified therapist." She said with a wink.

**[In the Lobby of the Therapist's office]**

"Hello, Kiba."

"Shino?" Kiba was stunned to see his teammate waiting in the therapist's office. "Why are you here?"

"Hinata told me that she thinks I may suffer from emotional trauma from having the bugs use my body as a hive." Shino said calmly.

"Yeah. I could see why she might think that." Kiba replied, shuddering at the thought of his teammate's clan technique.

"What about you?"

"Oh, I have separation issues." Kiba said without an ounce of shame.

"Where is Akamaru?"

Kiba looked at his feet childishly, "He's the reason I have separation issues."

**[In the actual Therapy Room]**

Hallie CiBlue was having an incredibly crappy day. The Carrier Nin wanted nothing more than to go home and an ice pack on her face until she lost all sense of feeling. First the door hit her in the face thanks to Sakura and Naruto, then Sasuke and Naruto decided to fight to the death in Rayla's office, and now Hallie was curled up in the Fetal position, whimpering as team seven got into a shouting match over whose fault it was that Sasuke had left in the first place. During which, she was fairly sure she was more likely to die in that room than she was on any of her ANBU assignments or Carrier Missions.

Finally, after what seemed like days (but had really been an hour) Rayla opened the door, and it was like a switch had gone off in team 7's heads saying, "Oh, crap, we're so screwed." While Team Seven was frozen in place (in fear of the crimson haired therapist, no doubt), Hallie gave one last whipped puppy glance and a whimper before darting out of the office, hovering in the doorway as Rayla told her, "I can't get to Shino and Kiba today, so could you take them with you and ask them to reschedule. These three will be taking up the next week." Hallie contemplated smacking Rayla with her anti-chakra coil…however she sighed nodded to her former team mate and went into the lobby.

"Shino. Kiba. Team Seven are going to be running over, so you'll have to reschedule next week." Hallie stated forcing a smile at the two. "If you want to you can wait outside of Tsunade-sama's office while I go talk to her about something, then maybe we could hang out afterwards."

**[Hokage-Sama's office]**

"Tsunade…I need a mission…Now."Hallie Demanded, "ANBU, Carrier, A-Rank, D-Rank…I…DON'T…CARE! Anything…ANYTHING to get away from those Team Seven morons' group therapy sessions."

Tsunade stared in shock at the ANBU assassin/Carrier Nin, and she had to admit the girl looked bad. Hallie had a bruise covering most of the left side of her face, not to mention blood stains coming out of her nose and into her hair. Tsunade sighed, despite being short on Ninja at the moment due to the whole group therapy thing, Hallie really needed to get some time off before she got any serious damage inflicted by team seven.

"How about this, Hallie, I'll send you to Suna to deliver a message to Gaa-err-the Kasekage. Take the remainder of the week off, and then return."

"Thank you, Lady Tsunade!" She said rushing out of the office with the personal letter to Kasekage. _'Nine whole days off! HELLS YEAH!'_ Hallie couldn't believe her luck!

**[Kiba and Shino's Random Shade Tree]**

"So, have you seen Shikamaru today?"

"He's at couples counseling with Ino…What about Hinata?"

"She's at a Social Skill Building Seminar with Sai."

"What about Team Guy?"

"Don't know…they haven't been introduced to the plot yet…What about Sora?"

"I don't think he has either. Who's that girl with the blood stains and bruises that we saw earlier?"

"I'm not sure, but I think she's an OC."

"Oh. What about the therapist?"

"Who, that Rayla chick? I think she's an OC too."

"Oh…Who's the Brunette girl that just walked by?"

"I don't know, either an OC or an Extra, but either way I think we just had this dialogue for the sake of recapping the chapter and give a slight foreshadow of what to expect in the next one."

"I feel like quoting Shikamaru."

**[In the Therapist's Office]**

Shikamaru sneezes. "Someone's talking about me…what a drag."

Ino carries on about her nails as if he hadn't said anything

**End Chapter One.**

**[End Note]**

**Me: Well that's going well…**

**Hallie: **Glares****

**Rayla: Really, Addiena? Cause from what I saw, Hallie was getting the ****SANITY**** beat out of her by a trio of teenage Shinobi with head damage during a group therapy session. **

**RedHeadsWithChocolate and Me: **Look at each other** No freaking Duh!**

**Me: that was the plan. Hallie serves as a bout of slapstick comedy in case none of the other random junk makes them laugh. **

**Hallie: **Sighs** so I'm the comic relief just in case some potential Epic Fail occurs in your first attempt at a Naruto Humor Fic.**

**Me and Red Coco: Yup.**

**Hallie: **Sarcasm** Lovely.**

**Rayla: **Devious look in her eyes** Want to talk about it? I charge a flat rate.**

**Hallie: **Anime Sweat Drops** No thanks.**

**Ri Ichimiru: HEY! Why am I just That Brunette Chick? Hn? Hn? Why!**

**Me: Relax Ri; you come into play in the next chapter, that was more just foreshadowing.**

**Red Coco: You have got to get a better grip on your OC's.**

**Me: this coming from a girl whose OC's keep making their way into my stories!**

**Red Coco: I'm a Co-Authoress…**

**Me: Of…Evil? **Gives Puppy Dog Eyes****

**Red Coco: If I say yes will you quit with those eyes?**

**Me: Yes.**

**Red Coco: Okay then. I guess I'm a Co-Authoress of EVIL.**

**Me: **Poke. Poke. ** You forgot the psychotic Laughter.**

**Red Coco, Hallie, Rayla, and Ri: **Anime Sweat drops****

**Red Coco: ** Half-heartedly** Muahahaha-Ha. **Annoyed** Better?**

**Me: **Clueless** I guess, but maybe more enthusiasm next time.**

**Red Coco: **Face palms****

**Hallie: **Turns to the Invisible Audience**Please Note that the characters or locations that you recognize in this Fan fiction (and maybe some you don't) belong to neither RedheadswithChocolate, AKA Red Coco, nor my deranged creator, AddienaRoxUnlessYourFang, Better known as simply Addiena or Addie.**

**Rayla: that's why it's called a ****FAN**** fiction people. **

**Ri: Red Coco and Addiena Rox ****DO,**** however, deserve the credit for the creation of Hallie, Rayla, and myself… no matter how unfortunate it may be for us. **

**Rayla: So no matter how much we beg you to do otherwise…**

**Hallie: …don't use us in a story without our creators' expressed permission. **

**Hallie: Also, Red Coco and Addiena Rox are still writing "Hot Dates, Backstabbers, and Fancy Tuna", they are just waiting on reviews before posting anymore.**

**Ri, Hallie, and Rayla: Arigato! **


End file.
